Egyptian Tourism

What happens when an Egyptian, being interviewed by a foreigner, gets mixed up between tourism and terrorism.

Reporter: Hello
Egyptian: Welcum to egybt

Reporter: Thank you. May I interview you?
Egyptian: Ofcors

Reporter: What's your name?
Egyptian: Essam

Reporter: Ok Mr. Essam. What do you do?.. Sorry.. I mean do you work?
Essam: Yas..i have koshk

Reporter: Koshk?... What is a Koshk?
Essam: small subarmarkot..u undurstand?..I sell cigarettes..boxes and fart

Reporter: Don't you think smoking is bad for people?
Essam: I dont hit beoble on zer hand and make zem smoke..az we say here in Egybt..(ur brain in ur head..u know where u finish)

Reporter: I don't get it... but lets move on. How do you feel about terrorism?
Essam: Terrorism is good..we love terrorisms in egybt..they bring dollars to za cantry.. and zey all light Egybt..az we say here in egybt...nawwart -masr

Reporter: I am shocked to hear that!
Essam: NO NO..dont shock..we are like zis..and our fazarz waz like zis..we love terrorisms and make zem feel at home...becoz zey bring a lot of money to za cantry and guvurment

Reporter: Are you claiming that terrorists support the Egyptian government financially?
Essam: sbeak again bleez

Reporter: I mean, are you saying that terrorists are paying money to the Egyptian government?
Essam: Ofcorse zey bay...zey one of za most imbortant bay to za cantry..terrorists,and Sewiss canal and za high sadd in Aswan

Reporter: Oh my god.. that is very disturbing. Do you have any idea where they reside in Egypt?
Essam: Sbeak again

Reporter: Where do terrorists stay in Egypt?
Essam: Zey love Sharm El Sheikh.. also Khan el Khalili to buy sofoneer and drink
shisha

Reporter: Oh yes.. I can totally relate. We heard about bombings there a couple of years ago. Why do you think the police doesn't capture those terrorists?
Essam: Bolice here in egybt..very good..zey borotect terrorists very well..dont warry..dont zey brotect u?

Reporter: Why do I need protection?
Essam: Because u r terrorist

Reporter: Absolutely not!
Essam: u look like zem

Reporter: Do I?
Essam: yas..wite skin..no clozes and no sbeak arabic

Reporter: OH MY GOD..U MISUNDERSTOOD MY QUESTIONS!
Essam: Sank u very much..

Reporter: I'm sorry.. I'll have to end this now before it leads to more wrong information!
Essam: sbeak again

Reporter: I have to go now!
Essam: No boroborem...

...You Light Egybt! :D

One More Dabsheh (II)

Ten Ways To Liven Up A Meeting

1 Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.

2 Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

3 Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.

4 Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.

5 Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.

6 Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

7 When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)

8 Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop annoying you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.

9 Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"

10 Just leave the meeting...

Some Dabshaat (I+II)

Conversations In Men's Cubicles

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I = Me, M = Man In Other Cubicle

I: "Doin' just fine!"
M:"So what are you up to?"

I: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

M: "Can I come over?"
I: "No... I'm a little busy right now!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!"

The Advantage of being an Arab

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. One day, he decided that he would love to plant potatoes and herbs in his garden, but he knew he was alone and too old and weak.

His son was in college in Paris, so the old man sent him an e-mail explaining the problem: ” Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can’t plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, that you would help me and dig up the garden for me. I love you, your father .”

The following day, the old man received a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved father, please don’t touch the garden. That is where I have hidden the THING. I love you, too, Ahmad."

After detecting the e-mail, the FBI stormed the house of the old man and took the whole garden apart, searching every inch. But they couldn’t find anything. Disappointed, they left the house.

The next day, the old man received another e-mail from his son: "Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That is all I could do for you from here. Your loving son, Ahmad."