Running For Parliment

To all citizens of the great country of Jordan, I have decided to run for the parliament too and, should you vote for me, I will not only promise you with eternal happiness in your new utopia, but will also make the following changes to our country. As a side note, a thanks to Garfan for the idea of this post. He's slowly becoming my bad influence.

• Increase sales tax to fifty percent. This is so everyone can be relieved of their heaps of fortune they have to carry every day, and to further benefit our erm… loyal ministers. Note that this increase in tax money will not necessarily be used for the sake of the country, but it will make your ministers happier.
• Demolish "سجن سواقة" and all other useless prisons in the country. I may as well take away all emergency departments, and leave everyone to defends for themselves, and become real men for once.
• Promote the building of cigarette shops, gun stores, bars and pubs, and zain and orange stores. This will further increase our economic stability, remove any monopolies in our markets, and decrease youth unemployment. But most importantly, it will make Jordanian teenagers the most "دواوين" in the Arab world.
• Motivate any unemployed youngsters in Jordan to become taxi drivers - my favorite type of human beings! Special training sessions will be set up to teach them how to cheat, lie and annoy their customers. Tampering with counters will become legal and taxis will be painted glossy black to make them feel important.
• National holidays will dramatically increase, as I will impose one every time I wish to move from one building to another. A curfew will be in place and all streets closed for the entire day, while "أنا و الدورية رح إنكزدر حول شوارع عمان". There will be holidays imposed for virtually no reason, much similar to when Saudi Arabia took ten days off when its football team entered the world cup - true story.
• Maids will be ranked lower than single celled organisms when prioritized in the country. Families will be allowed to beat them daily and deprive them from sleep or food or the toilet. They can also not pay them if the kitchen tiles are not shiny enough or something similar. Also, Egyptian workers will not be allowed to make eye contact with Jordanians or else be expelled from the country. They also must not be seen in the same falafel shop as a Jordanian citizen.
• There will a day of each year called potato couch day. Citizens will sleep during the day, and then awake late at night. Males must wear a "دشداشه" and females must wear a "عبايه", in preparation for the day. The family will gather round the television and watch Turkish soap operas for the entire night, while stuffing themselves endlessly with high calorie foods - fast food deliveries are recommended.
• Improve Friday prayer. This will be done by introducing beds for sleeping in mosques during prayers, as well as people serving tea and coffee for drinking during listening to the speech. Imams will be allowed to appear via a video link from their beds directly. And did I mention all mosques will become "مختلطة"?
• Declare war with all neighboring countries, including Lebanon, Israel, Iraq and Saudi Arabia. I will also make new alliances with Syria, North Korea and Iran. Also, new nuclear programs will be devised and uranium enrichment will begin. Let the world know that the force of Jordan and its great citizens. We will "نقلبها دندرة".

And there are more to follow. However, according to a recent survey, expected votes have been dismal. For this reason, I am willing to serve mansaf for every citizen that votes for me. This trick always works - vote my loyal citizens and let Jordan be recognized as the best country ever. (stay tuned for part two as well)