Eid Mubarak

This will not be your normal, everyday mandatory post about Eid. In fact, this post will more or less talk about some strange things we do in Eid. It is rather sad to see that, apart from a few people, we do the same routines every year. Take Eid for example, we usually go to the exact same houses in just about the same order every year, and this makes it rather boring.

Every eid visit will usually go like the following, knock on someones door after arriving without invitation, then when it opens we go in and start kissing and hugging each other while joking about swine flu and how the minister told us not to kiss or hug during his speech.

One thing you must not get wrong is remembering which females are related to you and which ones arent, and the proper Jordanian way to kiss, which goes left, right, right, and usually one more right to be more annoying. You could also grow a extra spiky beard so young children who kiss you get red cheeks.

Everyone will sit down on very uncomfortable chairs or sofas - why they make chairs with wooden backs, I will never know. The topics that come up are rather strange, of course I am never part of them but I always catch a phrase or two while I am between awake and asleep.

Our family meeting that usually takes place in someones house on Eid is quite a joke. Up to twenty people are in the room at the same time and you cannot hear a thing because they are all shouting in loud voices and arguing. There isnt anywhere to sit so I usually get cramped next to a very old person who smells, or I stay standing for a quarter of an hour.

Back to topic, the ma3moul they serve is not only unhealthy but also not anywhere near edible. It usually comes coated with powdered sugar that gets on my new shirt, or tastes very bland and is extremely large. Also, the chocolates - unless from Galaxy or Quality Street or something similar, usually end up in my pocket.

At the end of my day, my pockets will be bulging and I empty them on my desk. All the chocolates will go to my younger brother, who happily eats them with their wrapper still on them. By the way, all my family - mother, brothers and sister - went to Nablus to celebrate Eid. I refused to go their and babysit a dozen children, so I stayed behind with my father.

Ramadan Is On Saturday

According to Ammon News, Saturday will be the first day of Ramadan. I would like to wish you all Ramadan Mubarak and Kol 3am Wa Antum Bi5ayr.

عمون - محمد الشاكر - اعلن قاضي القضاة إمام الحضرة الهاشمية د. أحمد هليل ان يوم غد الجمعة هو اليوم المتمم لشهر شعبان وعليه يكون السبت أول ايام شهر رمضان المبارك .

جاء إعلان هليل بعد ان عقدت دائرة قاضي القضاة مساء الخميس في مسجد المغفور له الملك الحسين بن طلال، مجلسا شرعيا علميا لتحري هلال شهر رمضان المبارك .

وحضر المجلس قاضي القضاة، ووزير الأوقاف، ومحافظ العاصمة ، الأرصاد الجوية، وعدد من الشخصيات المدنية والدينية، وممثلون عن مختلف المؤسسات والدوائر ذات العلاقة، وفلكيون ورجال إعلام.

[source]

Jordanian Sidewalks Fail

Because olive trees permanently reside there.


Because people find them useful for dumping their rubbish.


Because they are where the government decides to place lamp posts.


Because trash bins have been placed on them.


Because barbarians decide to use them as personal garages.


Because a very clever person placed his tanker on it.

Ironically, I took all these photos on the street from my house to the local corner shop.

Videos From Jordan

Doing a quick search on Youtube for Jordan yields some rather interesting results worth sharing with the online community. The first video is a cheesy television ad for Daraghmeh. The second is some out takes from Arab Superstar for Jordanians. The third is a Jordanian remake of Resident Evil. The fourth is a video of a great governmental teacher doing what he does best. And the fifth is by far the best, a couple getting married by walking along Abdoun bridge. Be sure to check out Talaween as well.

Talaween

Some people were so sick and tired of taxi drivers, they decided to make an entire video out of it. I treasure videos like these because everything you see in them is funny yet true. If you've never used Youtube before, or don't want to watch any more videos, make this one your last one. This video should be played right after national anthems. By the way, the quality of this version is rather low, you can watch a much shorter but higher quality version here.

Barbarians Amongst Us

When intelligent people tell Jordanian village idiots they are ill mannered and act like barbarians, they consider them a traitor to the Kingdom and turn berserk. However, I must say that the Jordanian citizen is a disrespectful person who has no manners even to host his wedding party in a civilized way. This barbarian that dared to live next to us set up his tent in the middle of a damn junction, almost blocking it.



To make things even worse, the pig and his minions kept dancing with very loud music until midnight while the neighborhood was trying to sleep. These types of people do not deserve to live amongst other mannered, civilized people. They should be stoned to death, in public, while naked, and their corpses made into shawerma and fed to taxi drivers.



Besides, what type of a wedding would dancing your head off while your ear drums malfunction? My wedding would consist of a 60 inch flat screen television hooked up to large speakers and a Xbox 360. My friends and I would play continuously for the entire night while sitting on large sofas, guzzling down gallons of Mountain Dew and eating cheesecake. Young men only, women will have to go shop till they drop or go and catch up on the latest gossip. Now that's my type of wedding!

Tawjihi Results

The nation has been put on high alert as people today brace themselves for the most stressing day in Jordan. Tonight at 6 o clock, people will flock to whatever medium they take their information from to find out their sons or daughters Tawjihi results.

Similar to what comes after a football match in the Sports City stadium, the barbarians will gather in cars and honk, scream and drift until the next day. Even if the student got a 50%. Jordanians have got the tradition of becoming careless and disrespective when they are over excited.

Whats stranger is that everyone else has to suffer while they celebrate. Car drifting will cause road accidents. Shouting and clapping while hung from windows or sunroofs will cause even more accidents. Honking and playing loud music will stop people from sleeping well.

So in preparation for the event at sometime around five, I'm going to close all windows and pull down the abajours. I will close all doors and hang up large, thick, sound proof mattresses. I will then turn on all air conditions to chaos mode and get many gallons of Mountain Dew.

The problem is, there is no point to all these celebrations. Many dimwits who fail to realize the meaning of studying, or are just mentally challenged, will fail to get even past the half way mark. Their parents will usually make short notice of them, or they will relieve their parents and do it themselves - its happened before.

Jordans Response To Swine Flu

As swine flu cases outbreak in Jordan, there is obviously going to be some gossip about it from your average Jordanians. Here are what I guess will be some quotes about swine flu from special types of Jordanians. I have written them in Arabic so I don't transliterate them and lose all meaning.

"نعم؟ إنفلونزا الخنازير؟ إيش هاظ؟ ولا؟ لاتكون بتسب علي؟ والله لأورجيك يإبن الـ" – the dumb teenager's response

"لا يجوز توخي الحذر من هذا المرض لأنه من الله و هو سيحمينا من كل الأمراض و بدون أن نفعل أي شيء، ومن لم يقتنع سيعد كافرا وسيرجم حتى الموت " – the extreme sheikh's response

"يا زلمه أنا أصلا صار معاي هذا المرض من ألف سنه و والله إزهقتوا و جسمي إتعود عليه" – the village idiot response

"يا ويلي الله يستر إمبارح شعرت بإرتفاع ضغطي و أظن أنو صار معاي المرض، من يوم ما قربت من البسه الميته في الشارع الأسبوع الماضي" – the paranoid's response

"والله هذه من علامات الساعة و جائني فلان في منامي و أخبرني أن هناك واحده مسخها الله إلى دجاجة مسلوخة بسبب عصيان الله" – the young annoying sheikh's response

"ولك يا عمي أنا ما بصيبني أي مرظ منشان أنا أبوللمرظ، ولك أنا المرظ بنفسو، ولك أنا الدواوين الصح، أوووو" – the taxi driver's response

"والله المرض كللو إشاعة إكبيره معمولة من الحكومة منشان يرفعوا سعر الدجاج و اللحم، والله كنت عارف من زمان بس خفت أحكي لحد يفكروني مجنون" – the conspiracy theorist response

"هو في إشي بحياتنا صح، لا مصاري ولا شغل ولا سيارة ولا أمن، والله الدنيا زفت بس شو إنسوي، الله يعينا – هلا عمي!" – every other Jordanian

Not Saudi Arabia

Visiting Saudi Arabia is a rather strange experience. But to make a long story short, unless you're coming to visit the holiest sites in Islam, you should steer clear of the place. This is because it is a country where…

• Temperatures outside soar so high, every building must be air conditioned and you will most likely spend most of your time inside buildings or car.
• Foreigners outnumber Saudis by such an amount and in so many jobs, that you'll have a hard time getting what you need when you are trying to communicate with Indians.
• All prices must be divided by five to find their real life value, and you'll most likely be ripped off by prices that are considered to be normal by Saudis.
• The dishdasheh is the national uniform for all men, while women must wear black tents over their heads – as well as not being allowed to drive. Conferences are a nightmare to attend, because all you will see is men in white and you will be the only person in Earth clothes.
• Accents used by Saudis are so strange, that you won't recognize the language and will probably mistake it for Indian. Wide means a lot for some reason and the Arabic word for water has been somehow transformed into mooyaah.
• Foreigners, such as Indians or Filipinos or even Egyptians, not only take up the manual labor industry, but also much of other industries, such as cooks and receptionists.
• Skyscrapers fill areas of interest and tower above you while you navigate the cramped streets of the city. Fast food branches are so common in these areas that it's no wonder people have a hard time watching their weight.
• Saudi receptionists look at you blankly when you enquire why the hotel does not offer internet services, and I must go around the place searching for a free wireless access point to read my email and update my blog.

Running For Parliment

To all citizens of the great country of Jordan, I have decided to run for the parliament too and, should you vote for me, I will not only promise you with eternal happiness in your new utopia, but will also make the following changes to our country. As a side note, a thanks to Garfan for the idea of this post. He's slowly becoming my bad influence.

• Increase sales tax to fifty percent. This is so everyone can be relieved of their heaps of fortune they have to carry every day, and to further benefit our erm… loyal ministers. Note that this increase in tax money will not necessarily be used for the sake of the country, but it will make your ministers happier.
• Demolish "سجن سواقة" and all other useless prisons in the country. I may as well take away all emergency departments, and leave everyone to defends for themselves, and become real men for once.
• Promote the building of cigarette shops, gun stores, bars and pubs, and zain and orange stores. This will further increase our economic stability, remove any monopolies in our markets, and decrease youth unemployment. But most importantly, it will make Jordanian teenagers the most "دواوين" in the Arab world.
• Motivate any unemployed youngsters in Jordan to become taxi drivers - my favorite type of human beings! Special training sessions will be set up to teach them how to cheat, lie and annoy their customers. Tampering with counters will become legal and taxis will be painted glossy black to make them feel important.
• National holidays will dramatically increase, as I will impose one every time I wish to move from one building to another. A curfew will be in place and all streets closed for the entire day, while "أنا و الدورية رح إنكزدر حول شوارع عمان". There will be holidays imposed for virtually no reason, much similar to when Saudi Arabia took ten days off when its football team entered the world cup - true story.
• Maids will be ranked lower than single celled organisms when prioritized in the country. Families will be allowed to beat them daily and deprive them from sleep or food or the toilet. They can also not pay them if the kitchen tiles are not shiny enough or something similar. Also, Egyptian workers will not be allowed to make eye contact with Jordanians or else be expelled from the country. They also must not be seen in the same falafel shop as a Jordanian citizen.
• There will a day of each year called potato couch day. Citizens will sleep during the day, and then awake late at night. Males must wear a "دشداشه" and females must wear a "عبايه", in preparation for the day. The family will gather round the television and watch Turkish soap operas for the entire night, while stuffing themselves endlessly with high calorie foods - fast food deliveries are recommended.
• Improve Friday prayer. This will be done by introducing beds for sleeping in mosques during prayers, as well as people serving tea and coffee for drinking during listening to the speech. Imams will be allowed to appear via a video link from their beds directly. And did I mention all mosques will become "مختلطة"?
• Declare war with all neighboring countries, including Lebanon, Israel, Iraq and Saudi Arabia. I will also make new alliances with Syria, North Korea and Iran. Also, new nuclear programs will be devised and uranium enrichment will begin. Let the world know that the force of Jordan and its great citizens. We will "نقلبها دندرة".

And there are more to follow. However, according to a recent survey, expected votes have been dismal. For this reason, I am willing to serve mansaf for every citizen that votes for me. This trick always works - vote my loyal citizens and let Jordan be recognized as the best country ever. (stay tuned for part two as well)

Improving Jordans Technology

When it comes to technology in the country of Jordan, it lacks alot. This is in comparison to what this country is able to achieve. When you look at Jordan's potential for a rather large success in the technology sector, and its current position, you can realize the large difference. To make things worse, there have been very few major improvements from the ministry in recent years, except maybe the excluding computers from sales tax.

You may have seen, from her majesty's Youtube channel and Twitter account, that education has been a key aspect of Queen Rania's goals for the country. I highly support her and what she is doing for our country, but I think she can take it a step further. What I am saying is that technology has to play a major part in education so both can strive.

Let me explain further. Computer aided learning is not only a great improvement to the curriculum, it is also necessary to combat any boundaries that our country faces. Technology is possibly the biggest boundary between the twentieth and the twenty first century. If we break this boundary and recognize technology as a major aspect in our country's education, then we have taken the country out of the past and into the present.

But it is not simple as it seems. There have to be many, many improvements here and there for the idea of of technology and education being brought together. Here are a few suggestions as to how this idea could be brought into Jordan. And if you have any more suggestions, please add them by a comment. And if her majesty could read this post, that would be not only a great honor for me, but a great step forward for all of Jordan.

• Recognize the relationship between education and technology. There has always been a gap between the two when it comes to governmental issues. Many counties have broke the boundary between the two matters and it is Jordan's turn to do the same.
• Combat computer illiteracy after we have combated illiteracy. I, in no means, want to prioritize anything over the other. But once we have finally stopped illiteracy, there will be a time to start to solve a much larger computer illiteracy.
• Introduce computer aided learning to classrooms of already developed schools to further aid them. Schools should be encouraged to add computers, not just to special computer labs, but to classrooms themselves.
• Teachers should be computer literate and be able to produce presentations and use them in lessons. The school should provide laptops and projectors for any teacher that needs them, and these should be of good quality.
• Computer courses, such as ICDL courses, should be government funded and provided free for everyone. Being funded by the government should not mean it would be lacking and instead should mean it would be of high quality.
  
• Provide proper motivations for university students willing to improve technology in Jordan. Motivations should include funding and support for any project the students have. These will hopefully encourage projects to thrive and contribute to the country.

Of course, as I said, any suggestions are appreciated.

Jordan TV

Jordan's first radio broadcasts were received from other countries in the Middle East. Transjordan (as it was then called), did not adopt a radio service of its own until 1948. Radio Jordan first broadcast in 1956. Today it broadcasts a 24 hour Arabic service, as well as an English language service for 21 hours per day and a French language service for 13 hours per day.

That would be the definition of Jordan TV on Wikipedia. However, the Jordanian TV, in my honest opinion, is a television that was once loved, probably at the time when satellites were still stuck in the West and had not reached us, and is no longer watched as it used to be. As most people will know, at that time most people watched it and it was probably a channel worth watching at that time.

But maybe they somehow got stuck in that period. Do you know how many people still watch Jordan TV daily, maybe even weekly? Most people watch the Jordanian channel because they have no other option, ie. not having a satellite dish. But nowadays most people have a satellite dish and will stay away from Jordan channel.

Why is this? Why would the major channel, and sometimes regarded as the only channel for Jordan on many online television websites, be watched by so little of the country's population. There are many reasons, they begin with lack of content, lack of quality, lack of funding, and lack of motivation.

I'd like to toss a few points and suggestion that I believe could turn the tables on how people view Jordan TV as it is. A major disclaimer to anyone who is highly patriotic that he does not believe our country should change for the better, please don't take these suggestions the wrong way.

• Ask the country. It'd be rather stupid to ask the viewers since they are so little, so ask the country's citizens. What would they want to see on their national television. These suggestions should be taken into consideration.
• Informative, Arabic news. We don't need neither English nor French news briefs. Make news reports that talk about Jordanian events that people would like to see. And not all the news needs to be political.
• Get a proper graphical design. My god, Jordan TV's graphical design is so bad its like it was made overnight. Can't the channel invest in a big company to design at least a new layout for them?
• Enough with the soap operas. Who still needs to watch some stupid dramas on Jordan TV? Even those who love that sort of thing will turn to MBC4 to watch something dubbed from Turkish. More documentaries, less pointless dramas.
• Carry on were ATV failed. If it had actually been allowed to air, ATV would be a wonderful channel to watch. It had new, interesting ideas that were both creative and informative. Although, ATV was supposedly to start its test channel in January 2009.
  
• Get a proper source of income. Anyone looking at Jordan TV's current state would know it was either badly motivated or lacked funding. Big companies should look into investing in Jordan TV for boths sake.
  

And the list goes on. What suggestions do you have to make Jordan TV better?

My BAJD Contribution

I know this is a day late, but I had to contribute and I couldn't get myself to write this post yesterday. Anyway, I liked the style Kinzi took when she wrote her post, so I will try and use it as well. I always have to add the humorous twist to the thing, so here it is.

• Where else is there a place with a name mistaken for a basketball player?
• Where else would you find the traditional meal made from dried yoghurt, rice and meat?
• Where else would you find the rarest type of humans, the cheating, lying, thieving, ugly, single-celled-brained taxi drivers?
• Where else could you get anything you wanted if you walked into a shop and ranted like a man possessed?
• Where else would a country's national television station get the lowest audience ever?
• Where else would you find such bad customer service and quality and such rude and incompetent customer service staff?
• Where else would having a 'wasta' or not could lead to your life or death?
• Where else would you find such a wide range of socially acceptable options once you've finished school - '6ib aw handaseh'?
• Where else would you wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a weddings gunfire?
• Where else would you use your car horn more?
• Where else would there be a national holiday because it was supposed to snow?

Welcome to Jordan! And if anyone has another one, feel free to add it in the comments section.

On Final Exams

As you may or may not know, my mother teaches English to 9th grade girls. She was marking her students final exams this morning, when she stumbled upon one girl who had find the time to draw some cartoons illustrating the writing question she had completed. :P

Eid Mubarak

Revolting arabic coffee, pitiful 3ediyaat, disgusting chocolates.

Sloppy kisses from old relatives, endless visits to people you don't know.

Even old men in suites arguing whether you can invite people to weddings by text messages or phone calls.

Eid il Adha. Enjoy it. :)

Street Numbers Really Work!

It's true, a restaurant delivery reached out house with only our road name and number!

Today we decided to get a delivery from Tazaj, after its good reputation it got from our family in Saudi Arabia. We rang them up and ordered.

When we asked do you deliver to Sports City, he said yes, and asked us for our street address and the number. We gave it to him thinking he was joking and he'd ring back later to ask for directions.

Within half an hour, he had reached our house and we enjoyed the dinner. The amazing thing is that we didn't give him any directions.

Now I have no idea how on earth he knew where to go, maybe he opened up the imaginary A-Z of Amman and looked up our street.

Maybe he has some GPS system that tells him how to reach the street. Or his has some voodoo powers to hunt us down, I don't know.

Thing is, it worked - maybe we can start using this method publicly, to reach destinations, to get to houses and landmarks, maybe even in taxis.

What do you think?

Tawjihi Results

Today I woke up at the sound of gunfire, fireworks and car horns.

Was it yet another stupid wedding? At 8 AM? No. Maybe it was it World War 3? Maybe it was some drunks/drug addicts in happy hour?

No. It was the celebrators of Tawjihi.

So, congratulations to all who got more than 50%. Farewell to all those who got less.

Have fun celebrating for continuous hours in the streets with your heads dangling out the car windows screaming your barbarian war cries.

Also have fun shooting with your machine guns and RPGs, and try not to break a window or some telephone pole (it happened once, I swear). And if you want to kill the boy, have some mercy.

Happy Tawjihi!

Zain 5 Offer

I usually never take part in offers from Zain, usually because they are about international calls, or gimmicks, or too expensive.

However this one really surprised me. My friend Yazan was the first to show it to me, at school.

Basically, Zain 5 offers you the chance to talk to five numbers, that you choose, absolutely free for as long as you want, day or night. In turn, you only pay 1JD every week.

And yes, this is no catch, I have tried it out myself and it works.

My friend Yazan, to prove this actually worked, called Omar, who was sitting next to him, and started chatting with him.

Of course, this only works for pre-paid lines, not 'fatoora'.

Lets do the math, to see if the 1JD is worth it.

Since you pay, normally, 7 piasters per minute when talking Zain to Zain, and there are 7 days in a week, then you pay...

7 x 7 = 49

Since there are five numbers then...

49 x 5 = 245

We've haven't already went past the 1JD, we've went past 2JD!

And this is just if you talked for 1 minute to each person in a whole week. Lets say you talked to each one for 5 minutes in a week.

245 x 5 = 1225

12JD would've been spent and you only spent 1JD!

Ready to do the move? Call 1616 and choose Zain 5. Then call 1790, then press one, then to add numbers press 1, add the number and press 0, then repeat.

Please know that there is a 2JD fee for changing from normal to Zain 5, and that you pay for the first week after 7 days. (so if you converted today you'd pay next Saturday)

Get calling.

From London To Jordan

Around four years ago, when I was in grade five, I thought up the idea of going to live in Jordan.

You see, our family always went in the summer holidays to Jordan as a way of going on vacation as well as seeing our extended family. The only thing was that we liked it. The problem with that was the life in Jordan was not the same.

I had seen life in Jordan as relaxing and calm. This was because I was visiting it in the summer, when there was no school. No wonder I felt so great at the time.

So my family took the final decision to move to Jordan. Of course it wasn't fully based on my idea, but I was the one that took the first steps.

Everything was sorted out. We had chosen a school based on our uncles opinions, which we later found out to be quite bad, and my father and mother had chosen their jobs.

Of course, everyone who tries to settle into a new country will know its not an easy job.

Neither was school.

But it all settles down, and you finally get to like the place you're in.

I mean, for one thing, the sun that you take for granted that shines on Jordan almost 300 days a year. Sunshine is one factor that helps fight depression, and it does not shine a lot on other countries out of the middle east.

If I was to say all the great things about the country I'm in, I wouldn't finish.

So next time you're in a prayer, remember to thank god for the country you are in.

Happy BAJO day.

OK, I'll Take Part.

Blog About Jordan Day
12/3/2008

And there you go, I'm going to be part of Qwaider's idea of a blogging day, Blog About Jordan day.

For those of you that don't know about it already, the day is on the 12th of March, and on this day you must talk about your opinion on Jordan.

I have a few ideas on what I might write, and I'm sure it'll include my decision to admit that, somehow, Amman is better than London.

You'll see it all on March the 12th. Get thinking.